15 reasons you can’t get a second date

8. You cyber-stalked them.

If you met your date on an app, it’s totally fine to check up on a few things they told you or get the green light from a mutual Facebook friend before meeting. But, “You don’t have to know their whole life history,” stresses Zaslow. Not only will it make the interactions feel less genuine if you arrive loaded up with info found online, but you might also have gotten the wrong impression of him or her. “It is best to go into the date without a preconceived judgement,” Zaslow says.

Case in point: The guy with 1,000 party pictures might actually be dying to settle down and have kids, and the woman with an Instagram page full of cheesy quotes might be very outgoing, funny, and cool.

9. You showed too much skin.

You want to look attractive, of course, but, “You don’t want to wear anything too revealing,” Zaslow stresses. “You want to leave something to the imagination and keep your date wondering about your body.” Give the impression you’re confident and looking for more than just a sexual connection.

10. You came straight from work.

Just as dressing overly sexy can be an issue, not looking date-ready at all can also be a turnoff. “If you look like you didn’t put any effort into your appearance, the physical attraction isn’t going to be there,” says Spindel. So even if you’re rushing straight from the office to your date, at least change your work pants for a cute pair of skinny jeans, and swap out your comfy flats for a cute pair of ankle boots. Same goes for men. If all else fails, at least spray on a (tiny!) bit of a great-smelling cologne.

11. You talked about your ex.

Unless you have children or there’s a valid reason to bring your ex up, avoid ex talk altogether. “The past is the past so leave it there. No extra explanation needed,” says Spindel.

12. You overshared.

“Verbal diarrhea is telling too much too soon,” says Spindel. On a first date, you don’t need to give the long version of how you and Susannah at work became frenemies, or talk about how, at one point, you owned three cats in a studio apartment. “Everyone has a past and everyone has some baggage, but save the TMI details for a fourth date,” says Spindel.

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13. You showed up late.

“Keeping your date waiting on a first date is sending the message that you are not serious about dating and don’t respect their time,” says Zaslow. “If you are going to be late, make sure you call!” Even better, or in extreme cases, Zaslow says, “Call the restaurant and have a drink waiting for your date before you arrive.”

14. You weren’t present.

“Pay attention to your date and give them your undivided attention. That means put your phone away, and keep your eyes on your date, not wandering around the room. You want to show your date you care about what they are saying,” says Zaslow.

15. You didn’t keep it clean.

Se x talk is a no-no. “Don’t make a sexual joke, a play on words, or anything of the sort. Let the pun opportunity pass right by,” says Zaslow. Otherwise, you might make the other person uncomfortable and give the impression you’re just angling for a hookup, even if you’re not.

Final thought: Even if you’ve done 14 out of 15 things on this list, don’t beat yourself up! They’re common mistakes for a reason (they happen to us all), and a few bad dates don’t mean that your next one won’t be memorable. Remember this list, work on your confidence, and keep the faith. Both matchmakers stress that if you keep loving yourself and focus on being your best, you’ll eventually find your match.